Servus, dear visitor!

Servus and a warm welcome to my other "Von Pappe" blog.

Edit 1: I have been thinking about this for quite some time now and have come to the decision to change this blog into a more personal one - more of a kind of diary of someone who struggles with Hashimoto thyroid disease (and therefore sometimes also depression) and also often with trying to be an artist (which both takes quite a lot of courage I found - especially when you lack self confidence ;).

Sometimes I feel I need to write down thoughts, ideas, plans or goals - just to make them "count" or more "real" for myself in a way. So what you will find in this place are traces of my personal journey towards feeling healthier again (after also having been diagnosed with borreliosis more recently) and also more confident as a creative.

I have also decided to keep this blog - though being quite personal - set to "public" in the hope that others who struggle, too and read my blog, feel less alone on their "journeys".

So if you choose to read posts on here you may well read about feelings and thoughts that are usually not being shared out there in crafty blogland and on facebook and all the other social platforms, where we all want to feel surrounded by shiny, happy people only to feel good and not be reminded of our own sorrows and struggles (which I totally understand to be honest).

Edit 2: After more consideration I have also decided to disable the commenting function, so no one needs to feel pressed to leave a comment, as some of my posts may seem as if I was "fishing for words of encouragement" I found...which definitely is the least I want for my wonderful creative friends out there, who care, to feel like!
I know you care - and for that I feel blessed and thankful! *

Please, know that I am fine. I just - like everybody else - have (harder) times when I am wearing the "darker glasses" and when I question everything and everyone and especially myself...and I also have times - and these are by far the majority - when it is just the usual artist's struggle...or real life struggle...or simply having gotten up on the wrong side of my bed....nothing exceptional. Just life.

Take care! XXX

PS: in case you want to contact me, do so via email under

* a huge, heartfelt THANK YOU to all those who have left uplifting comments on here in the past! I've loved them all and always will. xxx

Thursday, 11 December 2014

So many ideas, so little time, so very procrastinating!

Seems I either have to learn to live with the fact that Christmas season is the time when something deep in me refuses to do any Christmas cards or Christmas home decorations or learn to already start in October so I will be done by the end of November.

It's the same with selfmade presents. I have started some, but then didn't like the idea or the outcome (as I mostly tend to think of my stuff not being good enough to make a worthy present for Christmas), redid them, had them already wrapped up for putting them with the mail and then took them out again to make some adjustments or changes....sigh. That's me I am afraid.

So here I am - slightly starting to feel that certain panic creeping up my back because there is still a lot of cleaning up to do before "Christkind can come visit our place" without finding cobwebs in the corners of my living room and dogs hair in almost every spot under the furniture. Not to mention the dusting around (or even under? really?) my treasures on my writing desk (which my husband tends to call "dust collectors") that most of the time leaves me with indulging in sweet memories connected to them....

I read somewhere on facebook these days (shouldn't spend so much time there either) that someone's mother in law uses to throw glitter at the cobwebs in the corners instead of dusting them maybe I just have to adjust my point of view on this?

But instead of at least trying to start with one or the other agenda on my list I am doing stuff like this:

Can you believe it? This is going to be a wide canvas with a summer-y flower meadow in full bloom (seen from an insect's point of view) and I have never before enjoyed diving into colour (especially the greens), painting and doodling that much! And of course this happens when I should be finishing my presents, doing white on white, glittery Christmas goodness or baking cookies or planning this year's Christmas dinner.... can someone, please, hit me in the head? lol

But I am sure you know that HAVE TO finish this painting because you so want to find out how it will look when it is done!!! Will it spread the feelings you wanted it to? Will it tell the story you had in your mind while painting? Will it form a complete piece of art that is more than just the sum of its components? Will others see in it what you wanted them to see and discover? So many questions and such an unknown outcome....could you do boring household stuff or concentrate on finishing up Christmas presents with questions like these at stake? And knowing that you definitely SHOULD, doesn't help. I can tell!

Guess I will have to lock up my studio so I can get (and stay) in Christmas preparations mood and enjoy this lovely and peaceful season of the year. But maybe I do need that summer-y meadow in full bloom to counter all the grey in grey and the cold wet weather... well, all I can tell is that I will try to do my best. Whatever that is. ;)

And for a finish my word of the day: procaffeinating = drinking coffee while procrastinating! That's so true, so me (and sadly a very addictive thing to do)...